The Great Game: Great Eastern War

Burgundian War

1485 – 1487

It was really all over very quickly. Absolut’s [the Burgundian player's] strategy, naturally enough, was to build large cavalry armies and catch me on plains, causing casualties that manpower-poor Norway can’t afford even if he lost the battle. This did not work. I was careful to stay in forests and keep my armies in supporting distance of each other. I landed an army in Zeeland; forty thousand men swept into the Rhineland, smashing all before them; another forty thousand followed to do the mop-up work of sieges. The only real excitement was when Dominus tried to break my control of the English Channel; he failed. However, as I did not want to excite thoughts of vengeance against me, and as Italy (for whom I originally entered the war) had peaced out some time before, I stopped with Wurzburg. Also, while I could win any given battle, I was sharply mindful that in the long run, Burgundy and England controlled much greater resources than me. I could not afford a war of attrition; my best bet was to smash, grab, and get the hell out while the going was good. Hence, Wurzburg.

An early stage of the war :

Battle for the Channel :

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Great Eastern War

1488 – 1495

This is what happened.

The Ynglings were a bit pissed with the Piasts, as usual. I didn’t quite get what the problem was, something about an agreement and a betrayal, the usual stuff that nobles are always going on about. Me, I just goes where I’se told. So this time it was Poland, just after we were done with Burgundy; well, Polish girls squeal as well as the German ones, so that was fine with me. Better than barracks any day. So we crossed the Oder and knocked the locals about a bit. The Poles were supposed to be far away fighting the Hungarians, so we had happy days at first. They build their farmhouses in stone, in Silesia, to stand off raids when our boys come across the Oder; but there’s not much they can do against the hird. The German lads we had with us went a bit wild, it’s not often they get a chance to raid so deep into polak lands.

This is what happened.

The Norwegian cavalry burnt our crops. But we were the lucky ones : They didn’t rape my sister; she managed to hide in the woods until they left. They didn’t look very hard. Later we found out they’d just finished with the Nowak farm, so maybe they were tired. Two of the Nowak girls died. Alicja was one of them. The others weren’t much good after that. Maybe it’s best Alicja is gone. I don’t think I’d like to marry someone who would look that way at men.

Well, naturally the polak screamed to their lords, and the lords screamed to their dukes, and the dukes must have screamed to the Piast. Maybe he screamed to God, I dunno, but anyway he sure as hell screamed at his army, for in pretty short order, there they were. Now the Hungarians were supposed to have been killing Polish soldiers for years, all the while we were doing that peahen shoot in Burgundy, but let me tell you, it didn’t show. Those damn polaks looked tough and surly, and there were a lot of them. I don’t mind telling you, I hoped they didn’t have too many relatives in the district that might name names and recognise faces. But it turned out all right for us. Not very fond of the Ynglings myself, but they have their uses; the guy they had in charge of us that time, Harald, well, a better nose for a plan you never saw. Got the leidang in front, keeping the Poles busy, then moved the hird in on their flank, pretty as you please. There wasn’t much fight in them after that, so we had the district to ourselves for a while again.

The Polish army took my brother to the big battle. We got back most of him, but he’s not much good on the farm without his hand. Not that it matters, since the Cossacks burned it down when they were running from the Norwegians. “To deny it to the enemy”, they said. I think they just wanted to hurt someone that couldn’t hit them back.

Well, after that we was pretty much free to go where we pleased, so we did. You never saw such farmland as those damn polaks got; peasants fat as Yuletide pigs. Squealed like pigs, too, when we took their stuff. Not like the borderlanders; you get further in, the peasants never saw a raiding party in their lives. So, we left the leidang behind to sit outside Krakow sucking their thumbs, and marched up the coast; which was a bit of a waste, really, because I was already holding so much loot, I just couldn’t carry any more. I tell you, there’s nothing worse than having to turn down a perfectly good bit of church silver because your horse just plain won’t take any more.

Scorched earth, yay!

We got into Krakow just before they closed the gates. It was supposed to be safe from the Norwegians, and so it was. Those walls are big. But we didn’t have much money – whoever heard of taking five pennies for one scraggly ham? So after a while we were hungrier than we had been on the road. Then my sister began coming in with good food. I think my father knew what was going on, but he was hungry too. So we were all right for a bit.

So, we burned up a good bit of Polish countryside, and then the word came down that we had to get back to Krakow and help the leidang out, since they were having trouble taking the place. Well, that wasn’t so nice as the march up, because the peasants were wise to us now and anyway we’d taken most of what they had on our first go. But we got down to Krakow all right – it’s not like Burgundy where there’s forests everywhere and you can have three ambushes in a mile. The polaks are tough but they have to do their own fighting, the land won’t do it for them. Anyway, we was just in time; the Piasts had gotten another army together, and let me tell you, if their last one looked tough, this one was a real terror in the night. They had everyone that could walk, crawl, or carry a scythe; fifty thousand if there was a one, and every last man down to the boys of twelve out for some Norse blood. Tell you the truth, I can’t say I blame ‘em after what we done to their friends up north; but my blood is curious valuable to me, and I wasn’t letting any damn polak spill it.

After the big army drove the Norwegians away, we thought we’d be all right. Father was even talking about going back to our farm and building it up again. But the Piasts were getting really short of men, and the press-gang caught us sneaking out of the gates. So we joined up. They gave my father a pike, but there weren’t enough weapons to give me one; so they told me to stick close by my father, and grab his pike when he died. That’s how they said it – “when” he died. But it was better rations than we had in the siege, and my sister got better money too. My mother did laundry for some officers, and me and my brother did odd jobs, so it wasn’t so bad. We even bought some seed corn, that we saved up for when we had a farm again. It’s all right soldiering, when it’s summer and the Norwegians aren’t too close.

A murthering great battle! I actually won, but was so attrited that I found it best to retreat.

Well, there’s some say we gave the Poles a bloody nose there on Krakow field, and I reckon they got a point; there was sure as hell plenty of blood spilt. But when you get right down to it, when the shouting was over, it was us going back to the Oder and them still holding that damn city, and three of my mates to go with it. So I don’t hold with calling it no victory, and never mind what the damn skalds say. They get paid to please Ynglings, not tell truth. But I was there, and I say the polaks got us good and proper. Not for free, though. You never fight the hird for free.

As I said, it’s not bad soldiering in summer; but when the fall came on, it wasn’t so much fun. So Father got together with some other soldiers from our district, and they planned it out that they’d all get assigned to the guard duty one night, and then we’d go off on our own with none the wiser. So when the time came, we grabbed a few things from an officer’s tent – he was sound asleep when my sister left him, and sounder still after I was done, so he wouldn’t be missing them – and off we went. We didn’t want any more part of the war, so we didn’t go back to the Oder; we headed east instead. We had decided we were all going to build a walled village together, and if the Piast wanted any taxes he could bring an army to get it.

After that there weren’t so many battles. I reckon the Poles had run out of fighting men; anyway, the ones I saw all looked pretty young. Not that we were much better off. They called down the leidang from the most gods-forsaken places along the coast, blond boys who never saw anything bloodier than a gutted fish. Still, it don’t take much brains to figure out which end of a pike to point at the enemy. We was burning back and forth in Poland two winters, and I tell you true, when we were done, a sorrier bunch of peasants you never saw. But I’ll say this for the Poles : They don’t give up easy. Odwaga, they call it. Me, I say they’re just plain stubborn. I reckon I’ve yet to meet the donkey that could out-stubborn your average Pole. Maybe they were waiting for a miracle to save them. If that’s it, well, I guess God must be on their side. Turns out the Burgundians hadn’t had enough last time around.

We’d been on the road maybe three months when Father said “Enough”, and we stopped. We’d found a good place, with some forest nearby for firewood, and good earth under the snow. But it was a hard winter with no proper houses. My mother caught a fever and died, and many of our friends died too of the same sickness. But at last spring came. We broke the ground with a plow we made from the pikes they had given us; one of our men was a blacksmith, and he knew the trick to making charcoal. Then we got to use the seed corn we’d carried all that way from Krakow. My sister had a little boy, and I became an uncle; for a while it looked like we’d landed in a sheltered place.

Well, the Burgundians weren’t messing about this time. None of your half-hard ambushes and peasant levies, they had good strong pike now and long guns to go with them, what they call arquebuses. Tell you the truth, I reckon we could still have handled them if the Poles hadn’t been nipping at our heels. But, well, there they were, still strong in the fight, and the Burgundians fresh and wanting their own back. And the Germans weren’t so happy with the war anymore, either. We damn near came to blows over getting some levies and food out of Brandenburg; and let me tell you, they were the most useless bunch of slackers I ever saw. As for the food, well, at least the hardtack had meat in it. So in the end they agreed to something or other, I can never keep those German cities straight, and we went back home.

Just a bit of trouble, I was in by then :

They found us in May of the second year; men on scraggly little horses, who said they were the army of the Free State of Lithuania, and wanted to collect taxes. Well, we’d all seen a real army, and twenty hungry little bandits weren’t it, so we laughed them off. But we stayed up watching that night, and sure enough, they tried to come back and burn us out. They soon thought better of that idea. But we couldn’t very well stay up every night, so we held a council to figure out what to do. But we needn’t have worried; a week later, the real army marched through – a proper one this time, with the Piast banner at the front, and pikes and guns. They didn’t look so hungry as when we had been in the war, so we figured things must be going better; and they only took half our stores. So that was when we knew the Piasts were going to rule us still. And when you think about the Norwegians, and the Free State, and the just plain bandits that we had that trouble with, well, the Piasts don’t look so bad.

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The net result of the war was that I gave Wurzburg back to Burgundy, along with Anhalt. (Later I was able to buy back Anhalt, so the border hasn’t changed.) Sweden declared independence, and Ufa defected to Poland. But I was just able to squash the other rebels before they got anywhere, and Sweden is my vassal again. Not that Poland got off free, either : Novgorod rebelled, and is now my vassal. It remains to be seen whether Sterk is prepared to live with that, but for the next ten years at least I expect there’s bugger-all he can do. He’ll have enough trouble suppressing his own rebels, thank you kindly. At the height of the war both Brandenburg and Lithuania broke loose, and I don’t think he can have been that far out of sight of a government collapse. But he held on by skill and stubbornness, and won a white peace in extremely difficult circumstances. I salute him; I really thought we had him over a barrel when his war exhaustion hit ten.

The Baltic after the Great Eastern War :

Novgorod is my vassal.

And Europe :

There Will Be War: The Norse Law

A quick mention of other goings-on: At this point Europe was divided between two alliance blocs, The Roman Commonwealth consisting of Georgia-Russia-Byzantium-Serbia-Brittany, and the Holy Roman Empire consisting of Italy-Bohemia-France-Prussia. They were roughly evenly matched. Our Serbia player had to quit the game; his replacement intrigued with the Italians to switch sides, and was found out. The remaining RC players promptly crushed him; various treaties of non-aggression prevented the HRE from making this the casus belli to touch off the Great War which we all believed, at this time, must surely be coming Any Year Now. This cold war lasted about five sessions and 40 ingame years, and ended in the collapse of one alliance bloc.

The Great Game: Polish betrayals

I’ve eaten something that really, really disagreed with me – probably that meatloaf was made from a fundamentalist cow – so the day I’d planned to write flavour went into groaning and feeling sorry for myself, instead. So, no saga this week, sorry, just the unadorned facts. I may come back to the flavour at a later time.

So, this was not such a great session for me. First, I set my alarm clock for 1755 instead of 0555. (Damn all American clocks, anyway! AM, PM, who can possibly keep track?) Anyway, I was an hour late to the session, and discovered that the AI had wasted the 2000 ducats I had carefully saved towards building a bunch of manufactories. It does seem that I got some fortresses, a large navy, and the annexation of Novgorod in exchange, but bah. I’d rather have had the money, and four refineries in 1480.

Well, that was my own silly fault, so I annexed my remaining Russian vassals without grumbling too much. Then I started building towards those manus again. Meanwhile, Ego down in Castile was being aggressive towards Trav’s poor Italy, demanding the handing over of the Canaries. Trav refused; Castile DOWed; England and Burgundy joined Castile. Ouch! Well, that was a clear and present danger to the balance of power. I and Sterk had the same thought simultaneously : Our messages quite literally crossed – “Should we intervene?” “Sterk, you want to intervene in that?” with about two seconds between.

However, Trav was apparently getting the worst not only of the war but also of Ego’s personality. When I asked him to invite me to his alliance, he said “Thanks, but I’m going to quit after this session.” So then I didn’t feel so much like intervening after all. Why bother if he was going to quit? But then it occurred to me that there would be a different Italy player. So I agreed with Sterk and Ear that we would all DOW Burgundy. But because I do not quite trust Sterk, and he does not quite trust me, after that long history of sparring for the Baltic, it was a bit of an issue who would DOW first. The compromise was that Sterk would ask me for mil-access, I would DOW, and then he would DOW. And if he betrayed me, why, he’d at least lose some stab. So I DOWed Burgundy. Ear, my ally, joined. Sterk, the evil, evil bastard, DOWed Hungary. I’m not sure why, but I was not invited to this war. So there I was, fighting Burgundy and England (Castile had sep-peaced an Italian vassal earlier) all on my ownsome.

Nonetheless, most of Burgundy’s armies were burning up Italy, so I crossed the border with 60k and began some sieges. Next I knew, ‘our army in Wurzburg has been destroyed’, and I crashed. Yep, lag had gotten me. I had about 10k cav left when we rehosted. Bit of a disaster, that. I offered Burgundy a WP, but he refused, holding out for Anhalt.

Futile assaults on Magdeburg. In the second screenie, note the 40k men who will receive LT9 in just a few months, and sweep down into Germany crushing all who stand in their way!

Now, a word on techs. At this time Burgundy was at LT 6, and was the most advanced in the Western Alliance. I and Hungary were both closing in on 9. Sterk had already crossed that line, and consequently got quite a bit over-confident, losing some armies to overwhelming cavalry attacks by Ear. Of course, Ear didn’t have anything to spare for the German front, nor can I say I blame him. So what I did was refuse peace, build huge infantry armies behind the cover of my vast AI-built fleet (thank you, AI, you’re a moron but you get things right once in a blue moon) and wait for LT 9. I got it just before we ended the session. And now with the arquebuses, why, we’ll see just who annexes whose German cities, thank you kindly.

Norway with the Russian annexations :

The Western Alliance :

There Will Be War: Responsibility

During the stress of the war, I had not been paying attention to my succession, and a random Duke was briefly the most powerful vassal in my kingdom. Under Elective law, this meant that he inherited when my king died in battle – very unfortunate! A non-Yngling on the throne! I quickly maneuvered to make an Yngling Duke his successor, but there was nothing I could do to hasten his demise – we had a rule against assassinating your own king.

The Great Game: East of Moon, West of Sun

Once upon a time there was a King, and the King had three sons. One day he called them all three to his throne room, and said “My sons, I grow old. We must settle the question of who is to succeed me; and for this purpose I will set you a task. To the east lies the land of a thousand lakes, whose king sends me each year a gift of lumber. Now you will each travel to that land, and ask the King there to give over his crown to me; and whoever succeeds in this task shall be King after me. And because Håkon is the eldest, he shall have the first attempt.”

So Håkon set out east, and walked both long and well. When he came to the King’s-garth he entered boldly, and asked to see the King. Then when Håkon came before the King, he said, “Is it not a pity that such a great man as yourself should rule such a poor kingdom? I have rich gifts for you : I have silk and gold, jewels and myrrh, incense and ivory; all these things can be yours, if only you will give me your crown, and you can live in luxury for the rest of your days.” But the King answered “Better to be poor in one’s own house, than rich from the charity of foreigners; and as for my crown, it was given me by my father, and I will not sell it for a stranger’s gift.” And he had Håkon whipped to the border of the kingdom, and salt strewn on his back.

So the second son Harald now set out; but he did not go east. Instead he went south, and he walked both long and well; and at last he came to the garth of the King of the Hungarians. There he spoke thus to the King : “All men know how many soldiers you have. I have heard that if they stood shield to shield, a man could not walk the length of their line from sunup to sunset; is this true?” “Yes,” replied the King of the Hungarians, “that is true. But why do you come asking of the size of my armies?” Then Harald said, “Why, only because I wish to help you. Is it not expensive to feed so many men?” “Indeed that is true,” said the Hungarian king, “my army are so many, that each year they eat all the calves that are born in the land, and half the grain, and all the pigs; and still they complain that they are hungry. And they have drunk three streams dry this year, and I am at my wits’ end, for I don’t know where I shall get more water for them.”

“Well then”, said Harald, “I know just the thing! Far to the north lies the land of a thousand lakes; and the king there has a magic horn, which is always filled with meat and apples and good things to eat. If you had that horn, your soldiers would never be hungry again. So here is what I propose : I will show you the way north, and we will take the Finn-king’s land from him; you can have the horn, and I will have his crown.” And this was very fair, so the Hungarian King agreed.

Now Harald led the Hungarian army north, and they walked both long and well; and so they came at last to the Finn-land. Then Harald went ahead to talk to the Finn-king; and he said “There is a vast host at the border of your kingdom. They are far too many for you to fight; but I know a way to make them go, if you will only agree to give me your crown in exchange.” But the King said, “I think perhaps you know somewhat more of this army than you tell.” And he had Harald put in chains, and himself went to speak with the Hungarian King; but because he was a careful King, he took his army with him, and they were all mounted on great bears – some brown, some black, and the largest all white and very terrible to look at. Then when the Hungarian King saw this, he said to himself “It seems our foes come man-strong to meet us; perhaps I had best speak to them and learn what has happened to Harald.” So it happened that the two kings spoke together, and they reasoned out what trick Harald had meant to play on them. Therefore they agreed that there should instead be peace between them, and the Finn-king would each year send a thousand reindeer south to feed the Hungarian army, and in exchange the Finns should receive a hundredweight of costly spices. And when all this was agreed to, Harald was stripped naked, and whipped to the border of the kingdom; and then he had salt rubbed in the wounds and his ears sliced off.

So now the youngest Kings-son, Espen, was to try his hand; but the old King did not want to see him, too, whipped to the border of the kingdom, so he held him back at first. But Espen pleaded so piteously to be allowed to go, from morning till night, that at last on the third day the King agreed. So Espen set off, and he walked east both long and well. And when he came to Finn-land, he smeared ashes in his blond hair, and on his face, so the King would not see that he looked like his brothers. Then when he came to the king’s-garth, he did not ask to see the King, but instead he went to the kitchens and asked for a place there. And this he got; but because his face was so dark with ashes, and because his job was to turn the meat over the fire, so all the smoke went in his face and made it darker still, they called him the Soot-boy.

Now the Finn-king had one daughter, and she was as pretty as the day is long. One day she saw the Soot-boy sitting close to the fire, turning the meat; and she felt sorry for him and went to ask if there was anything she could do to help. “Well,” said the Soot-boy, “many times at night the kitchen help tells old stories. But I am not so clever at that, so it is always bedtime before my story is finished. If you would sit and listen, I could practice my stories and learn to tell them faster; and then they wouldn’t laugh at me.” And this was quite agreeable, so the princess sat and listened. And this is the story he told her.

Once upon a time there was a King; and the King had three daughters. And as well might be, the two eldest were ugly and evil; but the third was as pure and clean as the light of day, and all loved her. Now, once she dreamed of a golden circlet, which was so lovely that she could not live without it. But as she could not have it, she became so sad she could not speak for sorrow. When the king heard that it was the circlet she grieved for, he sent word to all the goldsmiths in the land, that they should make her such a circlet as she had dreamt of. But some of their efforts she threw in the fire, and the rest she would not even look at. But now once when she was out in the forest crying, she saw a great white bear, which had that circlet she had dreamt of, and played with it. So at once she wanted to buy it.

Well, the circlet was not to be had for money, but only if the bear could have she herself. Well, it was not worth living without it, and she cared not where she went or who she married if only she could have the circlet, so they agreed that he should fetch her in three days, which was the Thursday.

So when she got home, everybody was glad that she was happy again, and the king said that it could not be so much of a much, to stop a white bear. So the third day the whole army went out to meet it. But there was none could stand against the white bear, for neither steel or silver would bite him; he beat them down to all sides, so they lay in heaps. And this the king could not abide, so he sent out his eldest daughter, and the white bear took her on his back and ran away with her. So when they had gone far, and further than far, the bear said, “Have you seen further? Have you sat softer?” “Aye,” said the girl, “at my father’s garth I saw farther, my mother’s lap was softer.” “Then you are not the one,” said the bear, and chased her back home.

So the next Thursday he came back, and it went likewise. The army was out to meet him, but neither iron nor bronze would bite him, and he beat them down like grass. So the king had to ask him to stop, and sent out his second daughter, and the bear put her on his back and rushed off with her. And when they had gone far, and further than far, the bear said, “Have you seen further? Have you sat softer?” “Aye,” said the girl, “my mother’s lap was softer, at my father’s garth I saw farther.” “Then you are not the one,” said the bear, and chased her back home.

The third Thursday he came again, and fought even better than the other times; so the king thought he could not let him kill the whole army, and sent out his youngest daughter. So the bear took her on his back and set out for the woods; and when they had gone far, and further than far, he asked her as he had the others : “Have you seen further? Have you sat softer?” And the princess replied, “Nay, never sat I softer, never saw I further!” “Well then, you are the one,” said the bear.

Now here the Soot-boy ceased in his tale; and the Finn-princess said, “And what happened then?” “Well,” said the Soot-boy, “you can learn that for the price of a kiss.” And the princess thought that he might be dirty, but a kiss was not so much, so this was well worth while. And so the Soot-boy continued his story.

Now they came to a palace, and it was so fine, that her father’s looked like the poorest tenant-farmer’s home. There she was to be and live well, and have nothing to do except watch that the fire did not go out. The bear was gone during the day; but at night in the dark he was with her, and then he had the shape of a man. So all went well for three years; but each year, she bore a child, and the bear took away the child, as soon as it saw the world. So she became more and more sad, and asked if she could visit her parents. Well, there was nothing against that, but she must promise that she should follow her father’s advice, and not do as her mother said. So she came home, and when they were alone, she told how it was with her. And her mother wanted to give her a light, so she might see what her man looked like. But her father said, “No, you should not do this; it is for woe and not for weal.”

But however it was with that, when she went back she had a candle in her pocket. The first thing she did when he had fallen asleep, was to light the candle and look at him; and he was so lovely that she thought she could never look enough. But as she was lighting, a drop of wax fell to his brow, and he woke. “What have you done?” he said. Now you have made us both unhappy; there was not more than a month left, and had you only bided that, I had been saved. For it is a witch who has spellbound me, so I am a white bear in the day. But now it is done with us, for I must go to her and have her to wife.”

Here again the Soot-boy stopped his tale, and would not go on until the princess had given him a kiss, and her slip. So the princess said to herself, “Kisses are cheap, and slips I have many of; it is not so bad a bargain.” So he got his wish, and went on telling his tale.

The princess wept and pled piteously; but he was bound to go and meant to go. So she asked if she could not go with him. That could not be done, he said, but when he went away in his bear-shape, she took a grip on his tail and held on. So they went away over log and stone, over mountain and hill, through forest and marsh, until the clothes were ripped from her back; and she was so deathly tired that she lost her grip and knew nothing more. When she woke, she was in a great forest, so she set out again; but she knew not where the journey went. After long and long she came to a hut, and in the hut were two womenfolk, an old wife and a beautiful girl-child. The princess asked if they had seen anything of the White-bear, King Valemon. “Were you his intended, perhaps?” they asked. Well, so she was. “Yes, he was here this morning, but he went so fast, you’ll never catch him up.”

The little girl was running about playing with a pair of golden scissors, which were so well made that she had only to snip in the air with them, and silk and velvet would fly about her. Where they were, there was never a shortage of clothes. “But this good woman who has so far to go on such an evil road, she has a hard lot,” said the girl; “she could use the scissors, she more than I, to cut herself clothes.” And she asked if she could not give her scissors to the princess. And this was allowed.

So the king’s-daughter travelled on through the forest, which there was never an end to, both day and night; and next morning she came to another hut. And this one also had two womenfolk, an old wife and a young girl. “Good day,” said the princess, “have you seen the White-bear, King Valemon?” “Were you perhaps his intended?” asked the old wife. Well, so she was. “Yes, he was here yesterday; but he went so fast you’ll never catch him up.”

The little girl was sitting on the floor playing with a bottle, which was so made that it would pour anything you wanted, and where it was, there was always to drink. “But this good woman who has so far to go on such an evil road, she might be plagued by thirst and suffer much else that is evil,” said the girl; “she could use the bottle, she more than I.” And she asked if she could not give her bottle to the princess. And this was allowed.

So the princess got the bottle, and thanked the girl kindly and went again though the same forest, day and night both. So the third morning she came to another hut, and there also there was an old wife and a girl. “Good day,” said the princess. “Good day again,” said the wife. “Have you seen the White-bear, King Valemon?” asked the princess. “Were you maybe his intended?” replied the wife. Well, so she was. “Yes, he was here two days ago; but he went so fast, you’ll never catch him up.”

The girl was playing on the floor with a cloth that was so made, that if you said to it “Cloth, spread yourself and dish out all good food!” it would do so, and where it was, there was never a lack of fine meats. “But this good woman who has so far to go on such an evil road, she might be both hungry and suffer much else that is evil,” said the girl; “she could use the cloth, she more than I.” And she asked if she could not give her cloth to the princess. And this was allowed.

So the king’s-daughter took the cloth, and thanked the girl kindly; and went out both far and further than far, through the same dark forest, the whole day and the night through. And in the morning she came to a cliff, steep as a wall, and so high and wide that she could see no end to it. Here too there was a hut, and when she entered, she said right away : “Good day; have you seen the White-bear, King Valemon, come this way?” “Good day again,” said the wife, “perhaps you were his intended?” Well, so she was. “Yes, he went up the cliff three days ago; but nothing land-bound can follow that way.”

Now once again Espen Soot-boy stopped his tale, and this time nothing would do to continue but that the Finn-king’s daughter should give him her dress. Now she thought this was a hard thing, that he should see her naked; but he held to his, and she was so eager to hear how the White-bear’s wife should manage that at last she gave in, and gave him another kiss with the deal, for encouragement. So he went on :

Now this hut was full of little children, and every last one hung in their mother’s skirts and cried for bread. The goodwife had a pot full of round stones on the fire, and the princess asked what this was good for. They were so poor, said the wife, that they had neither food nor clothes, and it hurt to hear the children cry for bread; but when she put the pot on the fire and said : “The apples will soon be cooked”, then the hunger was abated, and they could live a while longer. Now you may know that the while was not long before the princess got out her bottle and her cloth, and when the children were fed and happy, she cut them clothes with her golden shears.

“Well,” said the goodwife, “since you have been so kind to me and mine, it was a shame if I did not do what I could, to help you. My husband is a master smith. Now sit you here until he comes home, and I will ask him to forge you claws for hands and feet, so you can crawl up the wall.”

When the smith came home, he started on the claws right away, and the second morning they were done. The princess had not time to sit, but thanked her hosts, and made herself fast and crawled and climbed all day, and all night. And when she was so tired, so tired that she thought she could not lift another hand, but wanted to let go and fall, that was when she reached the top. It was a plain, with fields and pastures so large and wide that she had never imagined anything so far and even; and close by was a castle, filled with workers of all trades, all busy as ants in a hill.

“Now what is going on here,” asked the princess. Well, this was the place where the witch lived who had enchanted the White-Bear King Valemon, and in three days they would be wed. So the princess asked if she might speak with the witch. No, what would you, that was impossible. So she sat below a window, and took to snipping her golden shears, so silk and velvet flew about her like snow. As soon as the troll-woman saw this, she wanted to buy the shears; “for all my tailors sew, it’s no good,” she said, “there are too many to be clothed.”

For money it could not be had, said the princess; but she might have it, if she could but sleep a night with her beloved. Well, that was all right, but the troll-woman would herself sleep him and wake him. So she made him a sleeping draught, and he never woke all the night, however much the princess wept and shouted.

So the next day the king’s-daughter again went outside the window, and sat down to pour from her flask; and a river of beer and wine poured forth. When the witch saw this, nothing would do but that she would buy it, for “all they strive to brew and burn, it’s no good; there are too many who want their drink.” Well, it wasn’t for sale for money, but a night with her beloved, that was the price. Yes, that was fine, said the witch; but she herself would sleep him and wake him. So she gave him another draught, and it was no better this night, than before; he wasn’t to be woken, whatever the weeping and shouts. But this night one of the workers was in the room beside, and he heard the weeping. He understood how it was with the princess, and the next day he said to the white bear that she had come, the king’s-daughter who was to free him.

One more time the Soot-boy ceased his tale, and for all the princess wept and pleaded, nothing would make him continue except that she should sleep with him. So at last she agreed; “but first,” she said, “you must take a bath, for I don’t want the others to see that I’ve given the Soot-boy my favours.” Well, that was well wnough; but when he had bathed the soot away, she saw that his hair shone like gold and that his face was kingly-handsome; and she thought she had not made such a bad bargain of it at all.

That day it went with the cloth as it had with the shears and the bottle; around dinnertime, the princess went outside the castle, and said “Cloth, spread yourself, and dish out all good foods!” So dinner was served, enough for a hundred men, but the princess sat to eat alone. When the witch saw this, nothing would do but that she should buy the cloth; for “all that they cook and fry, it’s no good, there are too many mouths to feed.” Well, no money could buy such a cloth, but a night with the white bear, that was the price. That was a reasonable price, said the troll-woman; but she herself would sleep him and wake him. Again she gave the bear a draught; but now he watched for it and did not swallow it. The witch did not trust him more than a finger’s breadth; she took a pin and stuck it through his arm, to see if he slept well enough. But whatever the pain he did not move a muscle. So the princess was allowed in to him.

Now all was good and well, and if only they could be rid of the witch, he would be freed. So he told the carpenters to make a trapdoor in the bridge the bridal train would pass over; for they had the custom there, that the bride rode first. When she came onto the bridge, the trapdoor swiveled, and down they went, both the troll-woman and all the witches who were her bridesmaids. But the White-bear, King Valemon, and the princess, and all the guests, went back to the castle, and took what they could carry of the witch’s gold and money, and went back to his country to hold the true wedding. But on the way Valemon fetched the three little girls along, and now the princess saw why he had taken them away : It was so that they could help her on her way to him. So they drank the wedding both stiff and strong; and if they aren’t all dead, why, they must still be living.

Here the Soot-boy’s tale ended, and he took his price from the princess; and that did not displease her too much, as you must understand. So he went to the Finn-king, and told him what had occurred, and asked for his daughter’s hand. At first the King was angry that anyone should have taken his daughter’s favour, and would have whipped Espen to the border of his land. But she wept for him, and pleaded; and he was a tall and handsome lad after all, and so at last the King agreed. So they held a wedding on the seventh day, and the King gave Espen half the country for a dowry, and the promise of the rest when the King should die. And snip, snap, snail, here ends the tale.

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Whew! White-Bear-King-Valemon is rather longer to translate than it looks at first glance. Still, I needed a story where the teller could stop at several points – after all, one could hardly expect a princess to lie down in the straw on the first asking. It makes one hell of a writing just for diplo-annexing Finland, though; but as that was basically all that happened this session, well, I thought I might make a story from it. The bit with the Hungarians was inspired by the real events, as follows. The Finns have owned, by some weird CK inheritance, Azerbaijan for a while. Thus they’ve been at war with various small nations in that area off and on during the game. And since neither party has been able to get at the other, the Finns had quite an army by the time I’d bribed them up to 200 relations. They turned me down flat, several times in fact.

So when Ear asked me if I would sell Azerbaijan, I was quite willing, provided he smacked the Finns around a bit for me. A mil-access later, Hungarian troops were marching into Finland by way of Bohemia, Skagerrak, and Sweden. As it turned out, it was the winter and the splendid Finnish troops that did the smacking around; but after the third wave of reinforcements, Ear was able to get Azerbaijan, for which he paid me 150 gold. So we were both happy, because the Finns were now far enough down that they accepted my next annexation offer.

Norway after the annexation of Finland :

Come to think of it, there was a quick war with the Livonian Order at some point, too. Well, really, when a former vassal is dumb enough to send you a diplomatic insult, they deserve what they get.

There Will Be War: Treaty of Devon

Arabia (!) had ended up with some lands in England in the recent war. This came about thus: Arabia was a crusader kingdom established by force, and ruled by a de Hauteville king – a Norman. Independent counties in Deus Vult will sometimes pledge to more powerful rulers of their own free will, seeking protection. Usually they look for kings who are ‘naturally’ their overlords, that is, counties in England will look for the King of England. But if they have just rebelled from that king, they must look elsewhere, and then you can get odd results, because one of the strongest factors is culture. Rulers will pledge to kings of the same culture even if it means literally crossing Europe to swear fealty. We had a rule to avoid the more ridiculous manifestations of this, but in this case we fixed it simply by Norway buying some of the offending lands. Note the form treaty, invented (in our ingame narrative) by an overworked clerk at the Breton Chancellery.

There Will Be War: 2nd Treaty of Lubeck

Gaining is one thing, keeping is another. The Bohemian player, hyme, attacked me at this point, his stated motive being boredom from not having been involved in any wars recently. I lost – with Georgia coming to my aid, not too badly – and gave back some of what I had just gained.

The Great Game: High Germany

I return briefly to the saga style, suitable for yet another Polish War! I lose this one, not too badly. I’ll have my revenge in the nineteenth century, though.

There Will Be War: Treaty of York

This is the second partitioning of England, but perhaps the fourth major reshuffle of powers within it. Notice that the de Lusignans, played by Emperor Ike, are not signatories to the treaty although most of the land in question was owned by them up to a few years ago.

There Will Be War: The Ships Return

As it turned out, conquering England was not entirely trivial. Its player – known to us as Emperor Ike, just as I am King of Men – had the advantages of internal, short lines of communication, and at one point Russia attacked Prussia, causing us severe difficulty. But we prevailed in the end.