There Will Be War: War of the Tapestry

I had spent some time building an alliance. Now I started the war.

Posted by me:
In view of the intolerable situation in Torzhok and surrounding areas, and the repeated provocations of the self-styled Czar of all the Russias, King Olaf considers that a state of war exists between the Norwegian Realm and the Rus.

By the Italian player:
Dispatch to Russia from the Italian ambassador.

Tsar of the Rus,

Long have the discussions between us lasted. We’ve had enough. As you read this, Italian forces are being raised from among the Nobility, the Clergy, the Merchants and Burghers, and the Peasantry. They will soon march for Russia. There will be no ultimatum, no terms. This time steel will do the talking, and only the dispersion of the fog of war will tell how that discussion will end. Raise your Druzhyna and meet us on the field, for now there will be war!

[seal of Bertoldo III]

By the Breton player:
In view of the intolerable situation in Pinsk and surrounding areas, and the repeated provocations of the self-styled Czar of all the Russias, King Frédéric deeply regrets that prior diplomatic commitments make it impossible for a state of war to exist between the Breton Realm and the Rus.

Alas.

By the Bohemian player:

Letter from Kingdom of Bohemia to the Russian Czar

You, russian devil and damned devil’s brother and friend, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with his naked arse? The devil voids, and your army eats. You will not, make subjects of Christian sons; we’ve no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee.

You Russian scullion, Khazaria wheelwright, brewer of Muskava, goat theif of Kiev, swineherd of Polotsk, Ryanzan pig, Yolhynia thief, catamite of Tver, hangman of Pinsks, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow!

So the Bohemians declare, you lowlife. You won’t even be herding Christian pigs. Now we’ll conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t own a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year in the book, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

Jodokus Premyslid, with the whole Bohemian Host

Cossacks

Cossacks

The Russian player was not best pleased with this, objecting to my stated casus belli of Torzhok:

[QUOTE=Sid Meier]I paid you 1500 ducats for that province.[/QUOTE]

To which I replied:
Yes, well? Look, there are two answers to this; one is in-character, the other is out-of-character. In-character, the mere existence of Russian sovereignty on Norwegian soil is intolerable no matter what tribute was paid in compensation. (Norwegian soil is here defined as being all land between Iceland and the Persian Gulf.) Besides, you are meddling uptimers and you killed Sigurd’s brother in our alst set of skirmishes. An oath to the Old Gods is not to be taken lightly!

Out of character, it’s a naked grab for power and land. What did you expect from the Ynglings, anyway, love and kisses?

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