There Will Be War: Ethnic Jokes

Ethnic jokes, yay!

Q: How do you tell an Yngling merchant from an Yngling pirate?
A: If you’re armed, he’s a merchant.

Q: How many Ynglings does it take to change a whale-oil lamp?
A: Thirty. One to say “That lamp needs changing”, and 29 to charge out in their longboat and loot some hapless country until they find a new lamp.

Q: How can you tell whether an Yngling is considering calling out the leidang and invading your country?
A: He’s breathing.

Q: What’s the difference between an Yngling and a starving lion?
A: One is a rapacious, amoral predator, and the other is a lion.

Q: Why do jackals follow lions?
A: An Yngling wouldn’t leave anything for them to eat.

Q: Why do lions leave anything for the jackals?
A: They don’t want to be seen as rapacious, amoral predators.

Q: Why does the Norwegian banner have a starving lion on it?
A: Upwardly mobile public relations. It used to be an Yngling.

Q: In the revolutionary statement “First, we kill all the Ynglings”, what is the mistake?
A: Giving fair warning.

Q: A longboat with 29 Ynglings in it, out looking for a new lamp, sinks with all hands drowned. Why is this sad?
A: A longboat has room for 30.

A priest, a philosopher, and an Yngling are on a road trip in Scotland, and they see a flock of black sheep. So the priest says, “Look, Scottish sheep are black!” The philosopher rolls his eyes and says, “In Scotland, at least some of the sheep are black on at least one side.” And the Yngling says, “Anyone for roast lamb?”

Q: Why do Ynglings not sell their sisters into slavery?
A: The profit margin is higher on renting them out.

Q: Why do Yngling mothers love their sons?
A: You would say you did too, if the alternative was being rented out.

Q: Why does an Yngling only carry eight daggers?
A: He can’t count any higher.

Q: Hang on – eight?
A: You mean you can count on thumbs as well? An amazing innovation!

Q: Where does an Yngling keep his last-ditch holdout dagger?
A: Do you really want to know?

Q: What do you call an Yngling woman who can run faster than her brothers?
A: A slut, same as the ones who can’t. (What, you were maybe expecting a different answer?)

A local warlord has decided that what he really needs to make it into the big leagues is faster horses. So he calls in a farmer, a priest, and an Yngling to help him. They all say that they’ll think about it for a week and come back with solutions. So after a week he goes out to the farmer and asks him what ideas he has. “Well, boss”, says the farmer, “the secret is in the feed. Give them oats instead of grass, and they’ll be twice as fast.” So the warlord nods and says “Ok, that’s pretty good. Let’s see what the other two have come up with.” So he goes to the priest, and says, “Now, Father, what have you got for me?” And the priest says “Well boss, with God all things are possible. I feel quite certain that if you built a larger chapel and hired someone to pray in it, your horses would all run three times as fast.” So the warlord says “Sounds reasonable. But now I want to hear what my last advisor has got for me.” And he goes to talk to the Yngling, who is alight with enthusiasm for his plan. “It’s trivially simple! All you have to do is kill all the other horses!”


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