Not An AAR: Events of the Third Session

This week I’m feeling particularly lazy, and am just going to post some bullet points of things that happened in the session – that is, events I found amusing, interesting, or otherwise noteworthy; I’m not going to list every poxy little war against random one-province pagans just to make 500 words. (No, really. It was 600 words even before I wrote this intro.) I did go to the trouble of making up a name for each event, in the style of such famous events as The War of the Tapestry and the Malmø Rising.

Events in Norway:

  • The Perkele War, ca 900-910: Although gaining its nominal war aim, the county of Agder, and burning a large part of Sweden to ashes (which is always a worthwhile goal), Norway fails to accomplish Finnish independence.
  • Tough As Old Oak: Harald survives, successively: A duel, pneumonia acquired during the duel (I literally got the cough event between the starting and ending duel events; presumably they had gone out in a midwinter storm dressed to settle their differences), camp fever, food poisoning, and dysentery; also three court physicians.
  • A Surfeit of Lions: Multiple people mistake the banner of the Duke of Skåne, which is gules a lion rampant or crowned or, for that of Norway, which is gules a lion rampant or crowned or bearing a halberd or bladed argent. The halberd is important, people! (Admittedly it’s not very visible at the scale of CK2 banners.) Much hilarity ensues; the piteous plea of Finland not to march Norway’s army in Halland into the (nominally hostile) Finnish army in Viken is particularly amusing, except to the Finns. The more so when you know that this was Finland’s third or fourth army, which they couldn’t really afford. Norway’s response: “What army?” Fortunately for Finland, the Scanians headed for Scotland (which at that time was having two civil wars, an adventurer invasion, and was at war with Norway) rather than helping out their liege.
    The Scottish Ploy: While Norway is at war with Scotland, a band of adventurers shows up, roughly the size of Norway’s and Scotland’s combined royal armies. They swiftly seize control of a county in Moray, upon which the king of Scotland recognises their adverse possession and they become his vassals while still having their troops. Scanians and Norwegians both beat a hasty retreat. Fortunately the ticking warscore catches up with the Scots before they can siege back their counties.
  • Lapp It Up: The last few independent domains in northern Scandinavia are conquered.
  • Killing the Shrew: The third time I caught my wife, the Witch-Queen of some obscure barony in the Ukraine, plotting to kill my sons by other women, I decided that there were limits to what I’d put up with for a Quick trait that hadn’t even passed on to her children. There is now a new queen in Norway.

Events elsewhere (just the ones I noticed):

  • A Kingdom Once Again: Unification of Ireland.
  • Little Bits of Kingdoms: England is split between five different independent nations (and Scotland is two, plus the Norwegian possessions); Jorvik, which once looked set fair to conquer the whole island, has been hammered down to a few provinces which retain their independence because they are occupied by different invaders none of whom have 100% warscore.
  • March to War on Rome: Mark, our Italian player, became the first to run afoul of the 150-holding max-realm-size rule. In the interest of minimising GM work, we enforce this rule by a triggered modifier (for humans only) which gives a large malus to vassal relations. Mark, unfortunately for him, expanded his realm by means of a large AI Duke winning a war (and who pays attention to the doings of large AI Dukes?), and didn’t notice that all his vassals hated him until two-thirds of Italy was in revolt. We will change the realm-size limit to be implemented by events, so that they are more noticeable and also more gradual.
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Filed under Song of the Dead, We Must Feed Our Sea

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