For the seventh session, I abandoned the sinking ship of Holstein and took over Scandinavia from Clonefusion, who had left in frustration at his unending bad luck with rulers. The sensation was somewhat like getting out of an ancient Honda from the second millennium, and pushing down the accelerator on a Tesla; the feeling of immense power under your command is intoxicating. Scandinavia has 3000 men just in retinues, and can call up another 6000 from the demesne; that’s before considering vassals. I don’t think Holstein ever had 9000 men in the field at any time in its 180-year history, to include the invasion of Scotland and the Great Holy War for England.
- Corporate Raiding: Naturally, with all this leverage, I immediately went looking for distressed assets to liquidate. Fortunately, in the current business environment, it wasn’t at all difficult to find some; in fact, it appears that when you park 9000 men in a province, any local assets become distressed remarkably quickly. Across the session, as I acquired new equity, I held fire sales, wrote down goodwill, and took money out of pension plans – in this primitive age, with index funds yet to be invented, most people’s pension plan is their children, and they are surprisingly reluctant to consider that they can just acquire some more. In this manner I acquired several thousand ducats, which I immediately reinvested in the business, ie my demesne. Shareholder value increased considerably.
- Loot Boxes: While looking through the assets of my newly-acquired companies, deciding what to liquidate first, I came across no less than three keys to the Strange Chest you occasionally acquire. Two with gold, one with ancient, useless parchments. (I mean, for all I know they contained the vital information that the DNA of the herb moly is twisted into configurations that channel the fundamental force, and blunt the mental powers of the Jackal… but as Kuipy isn’t playing in this campaign, that would still be useless.) Anyway, I’m shocked, shocked I tell you, that Paradox allows gambling in these games.
- Agent-Principal Problems: I made independent several counts who held land directly of me, in an effort to keep below 150 realm size; they were promptly reconquered by my
vassalsempire-building middle managers.
- Activist Investing: Noticing that Scotland was having a revolt, I headed over there to help out Zirotron by
raiding the rebelsvoting my shares for the incumbent Board. Unfortunately I hadn’t paid close enough attention; it turned out that Ziro was the rebels. My bad! I apologised and started raidingvoting against the usurper king instead, but to be honest I don’t think I’m going to be very popular in Scotland for a while. However that may be, I do have to salute Ziro’s ability to play tall; in Scotland the baronies would consistently yield 60, 70, even 80 ducats – immensely satisfying after spending years siegingbuying distressed real estate in Eastern Europe for shillings on the ducat, and getting a measly 8-12 ducats apiece.
- Hostile Takeover: The kingdom of Saxony is currently held by a branch of the Iverings, Vaniver’s dynasty; it is obviously the rightful clay of the Ynglings. With the prestige of my raiding, I was able to declare a Kingdom Subjugation war, which is currently going quite well – although who knows what will happen next session, when Vaniver returns and, perhaps, decides to defend his kinsman. Fighting a player is quite a different affair. But whatever the outcome I will have burned large parts of Saxony to the ground and extracted all movable goods and some that their owners thought were nailed down, and thus marked my displeasure with the annexation of Jutland, which I had given to an Yngling to keep below the realm size.
I don’t know, maybe people see this all the time? It was new to me, anyway.
Player map, 967. Vaniver missing this session, which is why France looks so empty; James (in Byzantium) dropped due to work changes. Notice Ranger expanding into Mali, and Ziro again in charge of Scotland. If anyone would like to join and pick up a slot, drop me a PM.